Dumb-captcha

Yesterday my esteemed colleague Mr Kilevold emailed me a link to an Internet debate about a music subscription service.
The debate was interesting to us from a professional point of view, but after having read the first few lines we both quickly concluded that this was not for us. This was not a polite exchange of views among civilized human beings. Instead it was a barrage of appalling language, despicable spelling, hatred and completely unfounded accusations both against other contributors to the debate, the music service in question and the world in general.

What is the point of creating these virtual barroom brawls? How depressing is it not that this amazing opportunity for intellectual exchange is so often lynched by people who are barely capable of spelling their own names, let alone completing a sentence in their native language?

Now thebizmo is hardly the kind of company that would attract the abovementioned dimwits and blunt knifes in our various forums. Therefore it was just as an exercise in product development that we pondered the problem of the un-moderated forum over coffee. Not only does intellectual pollution destroy the forums usefulness, it also keeps the very people who one might actually want to hear from, away. Who in their right mind would enter a bar populated by foul-mouthed retards with a propensity towards threats and insults? The answer is of course, only other similarly primitive individuals. Mr. K pointed out that he would certainly never enter an actual RL room where he knew that kind of discourse was going on or bother to take part in a discussion of that nature online.

By the end of our excellent French coffee Lars had the answer. As is customary for his product ideas, it used simple and existing technology, and once spoken was blindingly obvious. I am guessing that the first company to do this will get a mention in Wired magazine.

So what is the solution to the Internet hooligan? Well, its simple. Create a barrier to entry that hooligans cannot pass because of their defect internal wiring.
Lets say that your forum allows everyone to take part, but instead of the character recognition system it employs an IQ recognition system.
Like this
1. Audio clip requesting the user to spell …. eeeeh intelligence ?
2. Write the name of the man who first theorized that humanity evolved from apes (with certain exceptions)?

And so on and so forth., you get the drift. Make it fun for the nice people. Not that these questions actually test anyone’s intelligence, but they would set a certain standard.

This kind of brain trap would surely anger the zombies that could not pass through and they would go somewhere else to hiss, spit and boo with other angry people. But that would be the desired result. Keep the monkeys in the zoo, and let the rest of us talk in peace.

One could then add an extra layer for the demons that slip through the barrier. Just word-strip bad language and rate the participants by a combination of words stripped out and spelling mistakes made. This way if a Neanderthal got through the net, one could spot him by his low rating.

This idea is simple as pie to execute, and I absolutely guarantee you a place in the hearts of all good and reasonable people if you put this kind of dumb-captcha as a gatekeeper for your forum.
Let us know if it works. We think it will.
Later
David G